Things did not turn out I expected it to be though.
Went to gym as planned at 8.30am. While doing some excercise, thought I will be late for work. Decided to go to work at 1pm, after having lunch at home. However, when I reached home, it was 10.20am. Still in-time for me to get ready to go to work at 10.45am. Realised that the clock in the living room had stopped moving. Told Auntie Lita about it. To think she was still thinking it was only 9.35am. That is why she has not let girl girl take a nap. What a joke...
Packed my bag, bathed and headed for work.
Chui Wei called me to do a survey. Asked me on my view about cohabitation and marriage. A good point for me to wonder over. ***starts to think of the pros and cons of each***
Called him at 5pm to wake him up. He was awake already. Met me only at 9pm. We planned to meet at 8pm though. As usual... When I reached the MRT station, he had just left home. I went to shop around while waiting for him to come. Kept asking me to eat something first.
Ate a prawn dumpling and drank a packet of milk. When he arrived, we walked to our little home. We did not take any picture though. He meddled with it and changed the setting. Was quite pissed off then. Tried to get back the original setting but could not do so. Keep pulling a long face then. Kept finding fault with him just because of the camera. We almost quarrelled again!!! BUt he managed to keep things calm. Found out the root of my unhappiness. Suggested that I am to keep the camera, and not bring up the matter again.
Asked me if I want to eat satay. He was already late for work then. Told him it is alright. But in the end, he still brought me to eat. I knew he would keep on grumbling after eating. True enough, he did. This time, not after we ate. It was during we ate. Said he finish his share and will head to work 1st. Tears filled my eyes then. How annoying I can be then. I said not to eat but he insisted. And now, he blame me for everything. I just kept my cool and be as normal as I can.
Went to withdraw money to pay for his car. Realised he have no money left in the account after that. Poor thing. Wonder how he will survive with his new job. His pay will be lesser than what he is getting now, although his accomodation, food and laundry is provided. Suggested that he should sell off his house 1st. But then again, it was bought with his hard-earned money. If he sell it off, where is he going to live next time? At least he has something for his marriage. Is my saving able to last us through this lifetime? I am quite a spendthift as well, I admit.
Glad that family issues arose. This shows that there is still hope, I hope. We talked about having children next time, how to manage financial with the children. Wonder if I were to really migrate to Malaysia with him, will I be able to get all my CPF in cash then? If I am able to do so, we will have much more chas to spend then. But then again, it will not just be the 2 of us only. There will be kids, parents and other commitments. What a headache.
Also thinking, should I migrate over for good? Or should I continue working in Singapore, and go over after work. Because for sure, he will not want to stay in Singapore forever. However, part of me still wants to give birth in Singapore, want my kids to study in Singapore. Hope we will be financially stable already by the time we have a family. We better be so.
Right now, before he leaves, hope to go to Malaysia with him for a day. Maybe ask him to have a Saturday his off day. Then we can go over after I finish work and come back only the next day. What we can do there?
- Watch a movie
- Eat seafood
- Shopping
We shall see...
If not, shall see how many Sunperks points he has to redeem. If there is 4000, I will know what I want to redeem already. ***grins***
This weekend will be fully occupied. Tomorrow, I have a gathering with all my friends whom I know from Century Roxy Park hotel. On Sunday, I have reserved a Karaoke room to celebrate my sister's birthday.
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:39 PM
Tried very hard to fall asleep last night. While watching VCD, Dear called me. Continue to watch it after putting down the phone. Usually, while watching a disc, I will dose up several times. However, last night, I was still wide awake after watching 1 disc. But decided to go to bed as I need enough rest to work today.
Tossed and turned in bed till around 4am before I could get to sleep. It was raining heavily when I woke up. 8.30am... Way too early to get myself ready to work. Nice weather to snuggle in bed. But I just could sleep no more.
During lunch, could not eat properly as well. Ate only about half the bowl of laksa. Found out the reason why Grace resigned. Now I despise the Human Resource Department of my company. For those who know where I am working at, keep this to yourself. For those who do not know, just be more aware when applying for paid maternity leave.
Grace went for her maternity leave early May. Before that, she did all the necessary paper work to apply for the paid maternity leave. According to the employment act, we ladies are entitled to 2 paid maternity leave. Means we still get paid for only our 1st and 2nd child. She got the pay for May and June. Came back to work in July. After one month of working, they suddenly told her that she is not allegible for the paid maternity leave and was asked to compansate the company back.
What a joke. The person-in-charge did not clear her pending issues till now. Till Grace come back for work for a month already!!! The Human Resource Director suggested to fire that staff. But will this solve the issue? NO! Grace will still have to compensate them the 2 months. What she wants is a solution to her problem. And not to pin-point people and blame them for everything. Imagine how pissed she was then. Till now...
That was not it. They came up with a proposal. To ask her to pay back by instalment. She accepted it. It was stated in black and white. 2 days later, they came back to her. Said it is not going to work. Will not pay her for August and September. Imagine telling this to someone who has spent so much during her maternity leave. Hire a confinement lady, buy tonics for herself, spend money on baby's needs, recently bought a bigger house for her whole family to move over next year... She can starve. But definitely not her 3 young ones. It pissed me off as well. Poor her. No salary for this month. Next month as well. No wonder she made the decision to leave. And she said, it is NOT NEGOTIABLE.
Did not want to tell us about it till after everything is finalised. But just she finds it hard to swollen down everything. Just told Adeline and me during lunch. Asked us not to tell the rest till a later date.
Accompanied Adeline to smoke after that. I do not smoke. Just go there to have a chat with her. She is waiting for Ritz Carlton's or Hyatt's reply. She is bent on leaving as well. However, in the evening, what Jackie commented made her think twice again.
After Grace leave, there will be 1 manpower lesser. We will get busier already then. Do not think they will employ someone else to take over Grace's place till renovation is over. Honestly, I feel that if we were to be under Jackie next time, things will be rather chaotic. She does not have the material to be a manager yet, though she is an assistant manager now.
I thought to myself: If Adeline is always thinking of others before herself in this issue, she can never get out of this work place. You have to be selfish at times girl.
Time seems to pass so slowly today. But in the end, I was still the last to leave. For the 1st time, I was left alone in the office. Grace had leave already as well. But I left shortly after all left.
Did not feel like eating as well. Forced myself to eat 2 bread from Breadtalk. Do not know what is going on in me now. Just do not seem to be in the right state.
Poor Dear. This morning, I helped him to settle his handphone bill already. Told him about it. Called him for a chat. Said he was helping to run an errand for someone.
My handphone rang once then the called ended the call. It was him. Called him back. To think he was still on his bed at 9.30pm!!! He had to start work at 11pm!!! Must be very tired today. Have been waking up early to exercise. Have been thinking too much. And today he has to run errand till 4pm. **Pat on the back**
Guess I going to turn in rather early today. Have activities planned for tomorrow already.
- Wake up at 8.30am to go to the gym
- Make reservation at Party World for Sunday
- Go work at 10.45am
- Meet Darling after work
Cannot wait for tomorrow to come. Going to take lots of picture with Darling and our little lovely home. Nite blog!!!
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:43 PM
Dear called me. Not once, twice but FOUR times!!! Before he called last night, melvin called. Talked to him for quite awhile. Then, I had a second line. Amara's number!!! Immediately told him that I will call him back and pick up the next call. Dear called just to say hi. Then, he began to scold his trainee already. Said he will call me back. But he never did.
Called Melvin again and chatted awhile longer.
This morning, at 8.30am, Dear called me again. He thought that I was working then. Little did he know I was still on my bed. I was awoke already then. We put down shortly after that. The feeling is just so good. To be able to hear your sweetheart's voice first thing in the morning.
Called me again when I just left home, on the way to work. Asked me if I still have his photocopied certificates with me. From what I can recall, I have already given it to him previously. But still told him that I will go and double-check for him.
At work, Grace told us she is going to tender her resignation letter today. As much as I want her to leave, I also want her to stay. Very ironic. She is a very stern manager. She is very strict. She pressurizes us alot. On the other hand, she is a very good manager. Treating all those under her like her own children. Always giving us advises and also very concern about our life. Really going to miss her when she leaves.
Dear messaged me, asking me to call him. His line has been cut off already. No money to pay. Said he wanted to meet me today. Reason: To pass me his handphone since he will not be using any longer.
Went for dinner at Hans with Rebecca and Adeline first before meeting him. Had fried rice. Bought a packet for him as well.
After we met, I finally realise what has been bothering him already all this while. Why does his voice not carry a smile anymore. He is also going to tender his resignation this month. He is going back to Malaysia to work. At a resort in Langkawi. As much as you will be missing me, I will miss you darling. Should I leave? Or should I take this as a test for our love?
Discussed alot about the above matter. How he going to cope without pay for 2 months? How he going to adapt to life there? Ask me if he should really go. Darling, I know I cannot hold you back. I cannot be selfish as well. I know Amara has no future for you. You have found another job, one you want and at where you want. As much as I want to stop you from leaving, I also want you to move on. Just have me constantly in your mind, that is all I ask for.
Asked me if I want to go over with him. You think I can? You really want me to? I also wish to. But I know I definitely cannot go over. Go over and accompany you, go over for a holiday, I will definitely do so.
He wanted to go and eat satay at Lau Pa Sat already, our all-time favourite. However, he had my fried rice already. Went to our usual place to sit. What a waste. I brought my digital camera out everyday but not today!!! If not I can take the beautiful shots of our lovely little home. Dear promise me that we will go there again before he leaves.
Think alot on my way home. Keep forgetting which staion I was in. Luckily I did not miss my stop though.
Reached home, bathed then Dear called again. He will be going over this Sunday to meet the General Manager. Coming back on Tuesday. Asked if I want to go along. Was thinking of doing so. But he said it will be too rush. So we dropped the idea altogether.
I will miss you dearly sweetheart...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:45 PM
Wrote a letter to Dear last night and sent it through e-mail. Really wonder when he will get to read it. I miss you a whole lot. Miss talking to you on the phone at night, miss you messaging me to find out where I am, miss you questioning me for not picking up your call, just MISS YOU sweetheart...
Went to work with parents today. As usual, Daddy dropped me off at Bugis MRT station. On our way there, he had to brake suddenly once. A bus was moving in a zig-zag direction. At that point of time, this though suddenly just came to my mind: "Let me die. Just let me die. I will not have to suffer already anymore. I am totally physically, emotionally, mentally drained. Sick and tired of life already. Nothing seems to go right now. NOTHING at all..."
Had to go grab something to eat as I have to take my medication. Settled for Han's toast. I can longer have my usual toast and a cup of soyabean drink from Qi Ji anymore. Why? It is all because of YOU!!! Yes YOU!!! Why must you make things in such an awkward position now? If you were not so persistent, if you just treat me as a normal being 1st, if you did not behave the way you did, we may still be on talking terms. I may still frequent your stall, crack a joke or two with you every now and then. But you chose not to. Do I have a choice now?
Just when I was changing into my uniform, Dear messaged me. Asked me if I was feeling better. Thanks sweetheart. Indeed I am. More so after receiving your message. =) Asked you to have a good rest. But you chose to shoot me off. You asked me to be so concern about you and you will always be like that already. Stop all this please. I really miss the old you. Come back to me please. I can see that you are still concern about me. Why I cannot do the same to you? Why cannot you just forget about the incident and live the way we used to live? Happily in each other's arm, company... I know, I have hurt you really bad. You will not be able to forget what I did. Give me a chance to mend the scar I left please. Just one last chance is all I need. I will be praying everyday for it.
After work, had the sudden urge to go the gym. Came home, got changed and went to the gym. Excercised for a total of 1 hour. Total calories loss: 405. Let us monitor. Will the amount increase or decrease as the days go by? We shall see. Plan to go again on Friday morning, before going to work. While exercising, this gym instructor came to tell me that we are not allowed to wear a skirt while exercising. Can you please open your big eyes and see properly!!! I am wearing a pair of shorts mind you!!! Who in the right mind would actually wear a skirt while exercising??? Totally pissed off with him.
Came home. Had dinner. Feeling rather sleepy already now. Guess I will have an early and sound sleep tonight. I really hope so. Good night blog!
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:36 PM
Did messaged Dear abot how I was feeling and why I did what I did that day. He called me then. Not once, but twice. I did not pick the call up at all. Sorry dear... I just did not know how to face you now. Messaged him before I sleep, telling him that.
Had a terrible headache. At my 2 temples. When I lie on my bed, I could feel myself sinking into the bed. The room seems to be spinning around too. Is this retribution? I thought to myself then. I better catch a good rest so that I am able to go cycling today.
Much as I thought, our plan was shattered. In the middle of the night, I woke up because of a dream. Just last week, my 2 dearest dreamt of ghost. Last night was my turn. I had dreamt of the ghost that I saw on the Channel U show. Scary... Shall not eleborate further...
Woke up at 6am, felt real giddy and nausea. Still force myself to stand up to bathe and get ready to go to work. However, after that, all I could do was to sit down, head between my legs and tried to rest for awhile. Called Rebecca up, asking her if she is able to reach hotel by 8am. I understand if she was unable to do so. Called her at such a last minute.
Thought of taking a taxi to work then. Hang on. What is Daddy's car for? Asked him to drive me to work then.
I just simply change into my uniform, without wearing the coat, never tie up my hair and headed straight to the office. I need a seat badly before I faint.
Rebecca came in not long after.
Darlene was unable to go cycling as well. Her friend has got injured. Guess she has to pay her friend a visit after work.
Went straight to the clinic after Jackie came in. Wanted Dear to accompany me at first. I was really afraid that I would collapse while walking there alone. However, he was with his friends. I tol dhim I would go by myself then. Not long after we ended the call, he called me again. I was hoping that he will say he can come and accompany me. How wrong can I be. He said he just saw my message and asked me what favour I want from him. Told him it is alright, just wanted to know if he can accompany me to the doctor.
Got a day's sick leave from the doctor. Took a taxi home immediately after that. So sad... our cycling plan has to be cancelled. Something which we have been looking forward to since last week. Shall plan to go again on another day.
Came back. Slept all the way. Only wake up at 12pm to take my lunch, followed by my medicine. Then continue sleeping again. Caught my VCD as well.
Had the sudden urge to eat grapes. So called Mummy to ask her to buy. To think she went to 3 different places before she could find the grapes I wanted. Because I specifically told her I want GREEN, SEEDLESS grapes. A spoil brat I am.
Dear called me up in the evening to ask how was I. Thanks dear. I very much wanted to talk further. But I just did not know what to say. Guily guilty guilty...
Messaged him. Asked him what should I do before he can forgive me. I find myself so contradicting. I want to talk to him but at the same time, fear of talking to him.
I keep thinking to myself. If I do not have my in my heart, would I react that way that night? NO would definitely be my answer. And also, if I am not in my heart, would he be so mad at me? I dare not give a definite answer but I think the answer would be no as well.
Well, all this mess is created by me... Hope that I am able to clear it as soon as possible. I want his old lovely self to be back and also to ocme back to me. I miss talking to you, hanging out with you, having me in your thought and you for being you my dear. Please come back soon...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:43 PM
Stayed in bed till 1pm today. Just did not feel like getting out of bed.
Spent the whole day either on-line or watching VCD.
While I was on-line, found a new skin for my blog, did some tidying up, and also created a new blog in Xanga. That blog is meant for anyone. However, for this one, it has more personal stuff. So mainly only meant for me to read.
I got a real pleasant surprise from Fairuz just now. Knew him since we were in Nee Ann Polytechnic, year 1. A very close friend indeed. Always well updated about my life. Though at times we seems to lost touch, but when we catch up, we have so much to say to each other. Weird things is, we never go out or talk on phone even once. We were always chatting on-line only. However, today, he actually asked me to go watch movie with him next week. The current ghost show in cinema. Know about it but do not know the title though.
Sorry to disappoint you dude. I have something planned for next Saturday and Sunday already. So much for our planned first date. Promised to meet him the following weekend to catch the movie. If it is still on...
At 5pm, called him up. Wanted to ask if we are still going out. My call was diverted to the voicemail immediately. He has gone to Malaysia. He will never go Malaysia without informing me. But he just did. Tried calling afew times. When I finally got through, I knew he was back. He did not call me at all. Nor did he pick up my call... :( He called me back minutes later. Talked in a very unfriednly manner. It lead me to tear. I could stand it no more. Can you stop behaving this way??? I know I am wrong. I admit I should not have said all those hurting words to you. But I was just to upset then. Can you understand my feelings then? The thought of you going to leave me here alone is bad enough. Must you still rub salt into my wound and treat me this way?
I could not speak. He put down my phone. Called back again though. Asked him to stop talking that way. He refused. I was too hurt then. Did not want to let him know I am crying. Could not talk properly at all. We ended the call then.
Will he ignore me forever? ***Crys hard***
Been catching this VCD lately. Till now I do not know the title. Or rather, cannot be bothered to find out the title. Quite a sad story though. Watched till disc 10 already. So far, the story goes like this:
There was this Girl Z, who went for a heart transplant. The heart she had belongs to another girl Y who has passed away. Girl Y was the girlfriend of Guy A. The world is so small. Girl Z's boyfriend, Guy B's, sister, Girl X, fell in love with Guy A. They met while studying abroad. All 4 of them met. Whenever Girl Z and Guy A meet, her heat will beat even faster. The feeling whenever you meet someone special. As time move on, Guy A has developed feelings for Girl Z. She is well aware of it. To prevent herself from making any mistake, she decided to marry Guy B. However, on their wedding day, she collapsed. Wedding has to be postponed. Is it what you call fate? There is bound to be a mishap always.
All 4 of them, together with Girl W, Girl Z's sister, and Guy C, Guy A's friend, went to this resort for a holiday. A place to relax and unwind themselves. Girl Z sailed away alone. Worried about her, Guy A went to look for her. She scolded at him, asked him not to be so concerned about her ever again. He left. She later felt very regretful for treating him that way. Why must we humans be always like that? Regret what we did only after we did it. We never think of the feelings of the other person. How hurt they will be when we treat them that way. Have alot to say with regards to this topic. However, shall leave it to digress by myself.
What will happen in the end? Will Girl Z and Guy A be together eventually? What will happen to Guy B then? And also his sister. Look out for my blog to find out the answer.
Called me again while I was typing this. Talked to me nicely. But I still could not take it. I guess it is because I feel very guilty. Guilty of what I did to him. Said he will call me tomorrow. Will I be able to talk to him then? Feel like messaging him, telling him how guilty I am now and to stop treating me that way. But if he calls me then, how will I talk to him? I do not know how to answer him then. But I really want to let my feelings known to him now.
Is happiness always short-lived? We quarrelled once, not long ago. Then we were happy together again. As you can see from my previous blogs. Now this has to happen again. We always seem to have issues to quarrel over. Is this what you call love? Concern about the other party, fear of losing him, that is why we quarrel.
I guess I am right. I am just so afraid of losing my baby...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:18 PM
He never reply or call me at all last night. I miss you dear. I know I am at fault now. I really do. I promise not to do it again. Will be your good wife from now on. Please do not ignore me anymore...
I was totally horrified when I found out how tight my skirt is for me now. The last time I wore it was while working in Amara. Goodness gracious me. I am so FAT FAT FAT now. Decided!!! I will go tot he gym twice every week now. Thinking should I join the membership. May be cheaper. Also will motivate me to go.
I did not plan my time properly today. Planned to meet Jackie for breakfast at 7.15am at Qi Ji. I left hom eonly at 6.30am. Should have left at 6.15am instead. As expected, was late. Got her number from Darlene to inform her that I will be late. Lucky I messaged Darlene. She woke up only upon receiving my message. It was around 7am already then. She start work at 8am today.
Spent half of my time clearing emails, faxes and creating reservation. The rest of the time, I did the labelling of the travel agent's contract. Back hurts... I admit... I am old already.
After work, went to Suntec City. There was a big crowd there. There were a few exhibitions held there today. It was luck that I went there. They were having this COMEX 2004 exhibition. It is where they display computers, digital camera, DVD players, etc... Just what I was looking for. Digital camera. Thought of going there to take a look. Things may be cheaper there. However, the crowd there stopped me from moving on. Decided to drop by at Courts instead.
Went to OP to buy a pari of shorts first. Plan to wear it on Monday. I am going cycling!!!
The salesman actually ignored me at first when I asked him to show me the display. Just because I look young does not mean I cannot afford a digital camera!!! When I told him I would purchase one, he immediately introduce another one to me. I could see his change of attitude towards me then. It was so obvious.
There were many free gifts given to me after I bought the camera. It made my load very heavy. Decided to head for home then. So tired that I slept in the bus.
Reached home, saw my favourite fried bee-hoon... something I have been thinking to eat for quite sometime. Auntie Lita cooked chicken curry as well. Bird flu is around and here we are, enjoying the chcicken curry. :x
Told Mummy that I bought the camera. Also about the plan of going to Karaoke next Sunday, to celebrate Millie's birthday. Asked her to ask Auntie Irene and family along.
Baby, please call me... ...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
1:00 PM
